It’s never easy…

Breaking up is never easy.

Honestly Insiders, I don’t care what people say, breaking up really isn’t easy. Especially when there isn’t anything you can do. I know that in my scenario, I feel like my heart is being cut into a million pieces. Like it’s being completely demolished.

Sometimes when I’m alone, I think of him. It hurts to remember all of the good times that we had. It brings back all of the plans that we made for our future together. All these plans that will never happen. – Insiders I’m sure that you all know when you’ve been with someone for a long time you plan, houses, weddings, holidays, adventures, children. I know, I know I’m only 22 however I felt so strongly and so in love with him, that these things exited me. To know these plans will never happen, sends a dagger through my heart. Catching me off guard and causing me to have to remember to breath.

I know he doesn’t mean to hurt me. I don’t mean to hurt him either. It’s like a magnet keeps drawing us back together. I can’t live without him in my life. He’s my best friend and I am his. I’ve come to the conclusion that I was a huge issue in our relationship. I look back and realise that I put him in some horrid situations. I mean, I was in the midst of my depression when I was with him. It wasn’t only me in the darkness of my mind it was him as well. Seeing me in the fetal position, mumbling self hatred and crying constantly. As hard as it has been for me, it must’ve been hard for him. He was in the sea of emotions and the storm of hatred with me. I feel as though I dragged him down. If I didn’t go through my depression maybe we would be happily together still.

To know I didn’t make him happy, kills me. I wish I could’ve been the person he deserved.

He’s amazing and I love him. Still.

Always have, always will.

Much Love,

The Insider x

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