Handbags Vs Clothes

I think I’ve mentioned before that I find Shopping a little tedious and sometimes stressful.

I’ve been out shopping with my bestie all day. She’s this gorgeous size 10 with big boobs and flat stomach (jealous!). Whilst I’m a chubby size 18 and lumps and bumps in the wrong places!

She can wear a dish cloth and she’d look fabulous. Whilst me, I look stupid in just a black old Tshirt. I have to look for the bigger sizes which most shops don’t even go up too. I have to look for the flowy, baggy clothes so that none of my chubbiness.

I hate it. I mean, I love going shopping with her. I love seeing her try on all these amazing clothes and tops. I love being able to talk her into treating herself. However, I’ll pick out a few things that I love but they don’t look good at all. I mean, I’ll pick my size, hold my breath in the fitting room. Then – my eyes traveling down my reflection in the mirror. Ok, it looks good on the neck line, flows nicely on my stomach area but it’s all too good to be true. It’s too tight on my arms. Sadly I have rather fatty upper arms.

If it’s not my arms, it’s my waist, if it’s not my waist it’s my boobs. Honestly my body is awful to try and dress. I really hits my confidence. It’s as though, my body lets me down and I end up buying nothing. I can’t explain how low I get.

However handbags. Now handbags never make me feel sad. They never make me feel as though I’m fat or ugly. You can never have too many handbags! There is so many to choose from! Different sizes, different colours, different fabrics. Each and everyone will suit you. You don’t have to worry about them not looking good on you.

So today, I didn’t manage to find any clothes that looked good on me, so I brought a brand new handbag! It’s GORGEOUS! A lovely mustard colour. Ooh I’m trying not to drawl whilst thinking about it.

If I sold my handbag collection I would probably have a deposit for a house! – No word of a lie!

Much Love,

The Insider x

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Friend Zoned! – Help!

Dear Insider,

I’ve been in love with my best friend for 2 years. However, it’s the typical cliché, she’s friend zoned me!

Any suggestions to win her over?

Michael.


 

Hey Micheal!

Me and my current boyfriend have been best friends for 8 years, and have been together for 4. So the other half we were just so close it was unreal.

It had felt like I had friend-zoned him, and he had friend-zoned me, we never seem to catch a break. I was always in a relationship, and he was always in a relationship, it just SUCKED!

Don’t worry though, being friend-zoned doesn’t mean you’re out of the game! It actually means you’re an Insider. Being best friends means they trust you, they open up to you. You’re their Go-To-Guy! This gives you an advantage. Use your Inside knowledge as a guide to get you ahead. You know what makes her happy, you know her interests, you know her likes and dislikes so use this information.

The best boyfriends are often the ones they’re most closest to BUT may need help realising! My advice, is to keep being her best friend but also through in a romantic gesture every now and again (or just tell her!) – Sometimes girls need help realising whats in front of them. 

Much love

The Insider x

The Birmingham Adventure Part 1

Ok Insiders! – I know, I know its been a few days since I’ve blogged or even done an Ask The Insider. There is good reason for this. Me and bestie had another adventure. Now this story is very tragic and I’m sure it’ll have most of you in stitches!

I’ll start from the beginning:

Stupidly me and my bestie had worked a 12 hour day on Friday. Yes, I know sad or what? We started at 8am and finished at 8pm. My lovely boyfriend was kind enough to pick us up from work and take us to the train station to head down to Birmingham for a girly weekend. – This girly weekend was much needed! We booked our tickets and off we went.

Fast-forwarding to when we got to Birmingham Station. We had lugged these really big bags (full to the brim with clothes, shoes and make up – as you an imagine), off the train. By the time we got to the station it was around 10:30pm. Great timing in order to find the hotel and get ready to go out. Although, food was a necessity at this point. We were extremely hungry and needed food fast. Me and my bestie get a little hangry if we haven’t eaten in a while. – When I say this, I mean everyone needs to back off, we turn into monsters.

So, we grabbed a McDonalds (as you do) and headed to the hotel which wasn’t too far, it must’ve been a 2 minute walk. We go to the hotel that I booked. **WHY DID MY BESTIE LET ME BOOK THE HOTEL** – We walked in and it seemed nice enough, we booked in and headed to the lift. The lift however scary. There was only 1 of them working. We walked into the lift and 3 other guys had come into it as well. This lift seemed so unsafe, it made all these scary noises, it smelt and was really small. The guys in the lift were speaking a language that we didn’t know and every other word was a swear word. They were getting a little aggressive to each other as they had all been drinking – (Well still drinking). They got off on another floor (thankfully). The doors closed and started to move slowly again. All of a sudden, we heard a loud noise – It sounded like a fire alarm. Our hearts started to race as we didn’t know what was going on. We managed to get to the floor in which or hotel was on and literally ran out the lift. – I hate lifts.

When we got of the lift we were greeted with the STENCH of WEED. I hate the smell of weed and its unpleasant to smell especially if 1. You’re not a smoker 2. In a hotel! – Some people are just so inconsiderate. Just imagine if there was children in the hotel and they smell that. It’s not good! Finding our room was like Mission Impossible. The layout of the hotel was like a maze. It took us 5-10 minutes just to find the bloody room. I get irritated and frustrated very easily and this was really toying with my patience. We FINALLY found the room and opened the door, expecting an amazing room with double bed. NOPE. NOT WHAT HAPPENED AT ALL.  The room had no windows, the bed was small and felt like cardboard, the sheets were like paper, the bathroom stank and had mould along the sides, thick black muck along the skirting boards – UGH it was just disgusting. We sat down on the bed and looked at each other as we ate our food. We could hear people outside the door shouting and banging on the doors. I got up and locked the door – Which wouldn’t have done any help as the lock was a small flimsy chain. The room didn’t have any safe locking system. I turned round and looked at my bestie. We must have read each others minds. We wanted to leave.

We started looking at other hotels. Luckily we found a premier inn which had rooms available we grabbed our bags and headed to the reception. There was no way that we were getting into the lift again and went down the stairs. I’m going to tell you now, we were on the 9th floor. Lugging our bags down the stairs was such a ball ache! We handed the key back in gave a really bad excuse as to why we needed to leave.

We ran out of the hotel and round the corner to the premier inn. When we got too the doors, there was a security guard that has to buzz you in to make sure you’re not drunken idiots. – This place was so nice and felt so much safer. We booked into a lovely double room, it was all cleaned and just amazing. Before we went to the room we went straight to the bar and got ourselves a bottle of wine to take up with us. The lady behind the bar had asked us what had happened and what we are going to be doing this evening. She had mentioned that the hotel that we had been at was known for being sh**. She then showed us exactly where we could go for a good night out. – LOVELY LADY!

We entered the room and immediately felt better and started getting ready with the glasses of wine. – WINE MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER. We had music on, dancing around the room, doing our make up and hair. We looked at the time it was 12:30am. We needed to hurry and get out to the clubs. All dressed to impress we went out and wondered the streets to find a bar or club. – No luck. Google maps wasnt helping too much as we kept getting lost. Now girls, you all know that walking around in heels in a city you don’t know hurts like mad. We started to get demotivated and was about to head back to the hotel when we got approached by 2 guys,…

Now, if you’ve read my previous blogs with my bestie we always seem to make friends on a night out… These guys looked just as lost as we did. They had asked if we new where any good bars or clubs were. We both looked at each other and was like nope.. So we all ended up tagging along with each other – We all booked a taxi (I know, I know stranger danger) and headed to some clubs…. Thats when the night started.

OK Insiders, this is a long blog, so stay tuned for part 2 of The Birmingham Adventure!

Much Love,

The Insider x

Keyboard Warriors 

You can tell a lot about the age of someone by the way that they text. Like the younger generation are able to text with just there thumbs and without looking at the keyboard. Whilst my parents generation will hold the phone like 15cm away from their face and type with their index finger. – Hilarious! It’s hilarious when you see someone writing a text with their index finger! It’s just not natural at all! I mean come on, surely a thumb is easier to type with?

I hate auto text! This can be such a vital sign to see how old someone is. Like when your phone automatically corrects things and people write back saying ‘what does that mean’ – This clearly means that they’re the older generation! Like ‘ducking’ this is a common automatic iPhone correction – If you don’t know what this means, then sorry your too old to have an iphone! – Only joking!

In todays society you can’t live without a phone. Its iPhone this, Samsung that. Honestly its crazy! I can’t imagine being without a phone. I see loads of kids nowadays that are 8-10 years old and have the newest phones out. I think thats stupid! I was lucky if I was to get a nokia 360.- You know that big thick brick looking thing? With buttons for numbers, it gave tour thumbs an amazing work out! You had to click onr button to get the right letter! Those were the days… Now this was a phone that you could run over with a truck and it wouldn’t break. I promise, I have tried to break this kind of phone and I believe that it is indestructible!

My sister is 10 she has an iPhone 6 plus. I mean how does this phone even fit in her tiny hand?! What does a 10 year old need with a phone like that? – Ever heard of keeping up with the jones? I think this is what happens when kids go to school. They always need the bigger better gadgets. – Its sad I think… I used to go out and climb trees with my friends, I wasn’t glued to a phone, TV or computer. However, as I’ve grow up and moved into adulthood, I do seem to be glued to my phone more and more. 

As good as phones are in today’s world, they cause major problems. I mean I’m sure you’ve all heard of Jeremy Kyle. Like JK  is always saying that he hates Facebook as people are always ‘trashing’ each other on it. I believe that phones enable bullies to come alive. Making the world of phones and social media unbareable at times. Back in my day they were called keyboard warriors. They would completely rip you to shreds over the internet or text, however when met face to face with you wouldn’t say a thing. – People are always saying we have the best safety systems in the world to protect users against abuse. RUBBISH. The internet that we can all access on phones, is growing and making life for many unbareable. All the bullying and cyber crime. Scary! 

However there is perks to having phones, and the internet always available. Like when I want to prove my boyfriend wrong. All I have to do is bring google into the argument and I’ve won! Haha only joking but honestly the internet has helped millions of people connect and share stories around the world. Helping fundraise for charities, reuniting families that have lost contact. – There are the amazing powers that’s the internet has. Espically when you have a phone that enables you to have all of this at your fingertips! 

Anyway, my keyboard warriors – 

Much Love, 

The Insider x 

 

Mental Health

I have been holding off positing this for a while now, however you know what, I think its important (well it is to me). Whether or not you’ve noticed its mental health awareness week. I’ve been seeing many Facebook posts about mental health during the week. Mental health is a major issue that impacts many people’s lives. I’ll let you into a secret. I myself have been dealing with Depression and Anxiety. It hardest and the worst time of my life. Heres some figures for you, approximately 10% of teenagers will suffer from Depression or Anxiety and 40% of adults suffer from Depression or Anxiety. This percentage keeps rising each and every year. When you think about it, it’s a huge amount of the population who go through the same thing as you at some point in their lives. You can put 10 people in a room and odds are that half of them will have at some point been touched my depression or anxiety. It doesn’t just mean that they have had it themselves but they would have experienced it. 

I think it’s about time that I told my story as well. Only recently have I been able to acknowledge and talk about what I’ve been going through. 

I’ve always been seen as a strong-minded, independent person – Well this is how people perceive me to be. In some ways they are right however that is what they see on the outside. Imagine an ice burg, what you see is the small tip of it however underneath the water it expands miles wide and goes as deep as you can imagine. This is what people are also like. Whilst people see me as a ‘confident’ person this is what I choose to show them. They only see the tip of how I’m feeling. What people don’t know about me is that for the last 3 months I have been struggling and dealing with Depression and Anxiety. –  You have no idea the shame and embarrassment that I feel by just saying that. (I’m learning to deal with it though). I need to remind myself its nothing to feel ashamed of or embarrassed about, I’m not alone – Even though I feel isolated at times. I felt as though I was dragging my family into this deep pit. To be fair, this is partly true. Yes, I’m the one that has all of the negative emotions however my mum, dad, boyfriend, friends are all going through it as well. They needed to try to cope with me being the way that I am. – I know its hard on them, especially my mum. I know for parents/partners its hard, as they can’t fix it. 
 
When I would tell my closet of friends about what I was going through, asking them for my forgiveness for the odd ways that I react to things. The shock on their faces, the pain in their eyes, the puzzlement of it. Everyone that I felt secure enough to tell about it, always say ‘Wow, you come across so confident, you hide it so well’ – This is important. No matter how strong, loud or confident someone is you have no idea the monsters they are battling inside.

Below are only a few things in which I can say to try to explain how I feel (when I say few – I promise you I mean this doesn’t even touch upon how I feel): 

1. I bury my emotions deep down – I have to constantly tell myself that I’m fine when the actual fact is that I’m only fooling myself. Trying to convince myself on a daily basis that I’m completely fine, but inside I’m drained and utterly lost. Mentally telling myself not to break down and cry, telling myself that people aren’t talking about me, telling myself that I’m good enough, constantly reassuring myself that I AM FINE. – This is the biggest mental strain I’ve ever been put through. At the end of the day I’m exhausted and to other people I can’t explain why. 
 
2. I get irritated VERY easily – I start to lash out at the people who I love the most in the world. I lash out at the most stupid of things. Things that to other people might seem small. For example, not being
able to find something to wear in the mornings. My mum would come in and help me find something, I would get annoyed at her for trying to help. Nothing that she does is wrong or horrible. I just flip and get annoyed and angry. 
 
3. I self medicate – I realised that I was drinking almost every night, I know that this is a problem… However I  feel that this is the only way to calm myself down sometimes. We all know that alcohol is a depressant, I don’t drink it to feel good or anything like that. I drink because it knocks me out. I’m able to sleep, it stops my brain from over thinking. Stops me working myself up over nothing. Stops me feeling the way that I do. – Please don’t take that the wrong way,  Im not an alcoholic, I’m not addicted in any way shape or form! I am NOT reliant on it. 
 
4. I eat almost everything that I see – I do this because it’s a way to hide and swallow all the unhappiness that I feel within myself, along with the food. We all know that saying ‘eating your feelings away’ – Yeah I fall into that category. This can lead to physical health issues, such as high blood pressure, obesity ect. This also keep the cycle going. eating to feel better, then feeling guilty because you’ve eaten so much, then you eat more…. ect ect. 
 
5. I cry at anything and everything for no reason – People will say that you’re being emotional, its nothing to cry over. ‘Your making a big deal out of nothing’ – This makes me feel worse. I have to keep telling myself that I’m not a cry baby, it is due to the CHEMICAL IMBALANCE in my brain.
 
I couldn’t, no WOULDN’T say the words that I’m Depressed or have Anxiety. In my eyes I don’t have a reason to feel this way. I had an amazing childhood, great family, I had everything I could ever have wanted or needed. Nothing in life justified me feeling the way that I do. The one thing that I have been able realise whilst going through this, is that I’m not the only one going through it. – I’m not alone. No matter what my head says. 
 
Through counselling, medication and the strength of my family and friends I am now able to say ‘YES I am Depressed, YES I do suffer with anxiety but it does NOT define who I am. 
 
I truly believe, that people who are dealing with or have ever suffered from any form of mental health needs not to be ashamed of it and should speak out. SPEAK OUT about what you’ve experienced, tell others. You have no idea how much help this could be to someone who feels like no one understands.

With the right treatment and support you CAN and WILL bounce back from this.

YOU ARE STRONG AND YOUR ARE BEAUTIFUL! 

Much Love,
The Insider x
P.S – Thank you to my family and friends for all the support you give me! I love you x