But first COFFEE!

How do people do this?!

This is my first early shift in months. And I have to say …. ITS KILLING ME! – Why on earth would people like having early shifts?!

I would much rather have my 12pm-8pm shifts! They are much more appealing! I mean come on Insiders, I get a lay in till 9:00-9:30! I miss all the morning and evening traffic! What could be more better?

I know, I know! You get to leave earlier and you have the evening to do things. What about the tiredness? What about the early nights? No lay ins?! This is killing me!

I can honestly say that I’m being run on coffee today. I must’ve drank my whole body weight in coffee. I wouldn’t have survived without it. – THANK GOD WE GET FREE COFFEE!

The free coffee isn’t like Starbucks or Costa but it does the job. I mean we have a Starbucks and Costa in the building and it’s slightly reduced prices, however the coffee machine is just so much closure! – Plus free.

Not to mention we had lunch at 1pm. I’m used to only being at work for an hour by 1pm, not even thinking about eating. I just wasnt hungry at all. my body was telling me that I didn’t need food until around 3:30pm-4:00pm.

I honestly couldn’t wait to get home and put my slippers on and sleep. – I sound like a right oldie.

Never again..

Much Love,

The Insider x

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The Talk

I’m sitting in my car at this very moment in time. I’m working up the mental ability to get myself out of the car and into work.

I know all of us lack the motivation to go to work. I know for me, it’s not necessarily that I don’t want to go it’s more the fact I have this huge butterfly/nervousness/emptiness feeling in the bottom of my stomach.

Fear. Yes that’s what I’m going to call it. Fear. Sounds a little weird and silly doesn’t it? I’ve been in this job for over 2 years now (pretty much known as a veteran) yet I feel fear? – So many thoughts go round in my head, so many questions.

– What am I going to do wrong today?

– What is going to happen today?

– Will I get in trouble today?

– Am I going to be late?

These are all very silly questions, yet this is my daily routine. I promise all of you Insiders, this is what I feel on a daily basis. – Horrible or what?

Right. It’s time to have a talk with myself. Time to reassure myself. I CAN do this. Don’t be anxious. Your an hour and a half early! I know I’m GOOD at my job. People DO like me. You look BEAUTIFUL. Take a deep breath – YOU GOT THIS!

I’ll see you Insiders later!

Much Love,

The Insider x

Inspiration Please!!

I’m sitting here, trying and desperately hoping for inspiration to knock me in the face. So instead of sitting here looking like an idiot and getting frustrated, I have been reading other bloggers posts. – Something that I haven’t done in a while. Which isn’t good as reading others blogs Is something that as a blogger you should do as often as possible. Not only does it help you gain inspiration, it can help you get your own blog known. Posting, liking, commenting will help reach new and upcoming bloggers in your community. I vow to read at least 1/2 blog posts and evening from now on. I’ve really enjoyed it. 

I think I’ve put it off for such a long time as, I’m someone who compares others to me. So by reading other bloggers websites is daunting and scary for me, as I would start to think negatively about my own work. – You know – ‘There blog is better than mine.’ ‘They write better than me’ ‘Gosh there stories are better than mine’. – I took a breath today and started to read and you know something Insiders, I’ve really enjoyed it. 

I must say there are some wonderful blogs out there. I mean full of colour, heart, emotions, laughter and even some have brought a tear to my eye. I bet some of you are thinking, ‘blogging is for people who like the sound of their own voice or that they are people who have huge opinions and want to force them on others’.

– WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG. Blogging is a community. A community to share, understand, help and inspire each other. I mean, I have been looking around the blogging community this morning and I have found some breathtaking blogs. I mean blogs that have actually spoken to me on an emotional/personal level. I have also found some funny blogs – blogs that reminded me of my childhood or reinstated how I feel about certain situations. 

I can’t believe that it has taken me this long to understand that this is how blogging works. 

I guess, I just need to take my time when it comes to writing my own blogs and read others to gain inspiration. Plus it helps me to realise that all bloggers go through a hard spell (not being able to think of something to write about).

Also helps me to know that I’m not alone. 

Much Love, 

The Insider x 

Sickness

Evening Insiders, 

Annoyingly I’m sick. Honestly I hate being sick.

It’s a mixture of emotions. My anxiety builds up as I have to call into work and say that I’m not able to go in. The very thought of this freaks me out and I can feel my heart in my throat. I hate not going to work – Yes, some may say that I’m a workaholic, or that I live to work. All of this isn’t necessarily correct. I’m just terrified of being in trouble and I see that not going into work as me going to be getting in trouble – Stupid I know. However, the more time you have off work for being sick this can eventually get you in trouble with work. I have seen people be in trouble for having so much sick time. – Being rational about it all, I this is actually the 1st maybe 2nd day that I’ve had off in 2 years for being sick. So I guess you could say I’m safe and won’t be in trouble. Still this doesn’t stop me feeling that way. 

At the end of the day I just don’t have the time to be sick. I’ve got so much work going on at the moment, all amazingly GOOD things, which take a lot of energy and a lot of my time. Having a day off sick today was super annoying.  I had so much booked in, in my calendar. Which I’m going to have to catch up on tomorrow. On top of a long stressful day as it is! – UGH. 

This was the feelings that I had this morning. I was getting up, doing my make up, getting ready for work. Then all of a sudden my stomach felt like it was going to explode. In the night I had been tossing and turning with a bad stomach however when I woke I felt fine. Then BAM, I had just finished an amazing smokey eye look (I was very proud of), when I just had such a huge urge to go to the toilet. – Yupp. The toilet was my bestfriend for the whole day. 

Everyone seems to be getting sick at the moment, we are all dropping like flies! Especially in an office job which I’m in, with the ventilation and closeness with others, as soon as one person sniffs everyone’s sick. It’s rather disgusting and annoying. I often think that we should all go to work with the medical masks on like the Chinese/Japanese do due to pollution. (NO OFFENCE INTENDED IN THAT STATEMENT). There is the odd person (like me) that will never admit they are sick and will push through it. However, us strong people who do this, end up looking like living zombies! 

I was SO annoyed. I mean girls, you must know how hard it is to get the right angle and shade of a smokey eye. I had perfected it. Then my stupid stomach was like NOPE, NO ONE IS GOING TO SEE THIS MASTER PIECE TODAY. 

After what must have been an hour on the toilet, I tried calling my work, to say to them I wasn’t going to be able to make it into work. I think I must have tried 8 times to call into work between 10am -12pm. No one seemed to answer. Whenever I’m at work, I aways see the absence phone in a managers hand and they answer it within seconds. When I call, this doesn’t happen. It was tedious! I then had to tell my bestie that I wasn’t coming in and had to ask her to tell my manager. It was hard, to call at a time where I wasn’t on the toilet. – Thankfully she told one of my friends that a manager. 

I knew that my manager would end up ringing me throughout the day to ensure that I was ok and basically to check up and collaborate my story of being sick and not partying. – Which I can assure you, I was glued to the toilet all day. I knew that his cal would be occurring as soon as he was told about me not coming in. What if I was on the toilet? – I mean how embarrassing would that have been? Imagine speaking to your manager when your on the toilet. I think I would have died in a fit of embarrassment. I wouldn’t ever be able to live that kind of thing down. – Whenever you’re in the bathroom, either in the shower, in the bath or on the toilet, somehow everyone seems to know! There is clearly an echo that is very distinctive and linked to a bathroom. When I call my boyfriend on the way home from work, I’m always, ALWAYS able to tell when he’s poopin. (God if he reads this he will NOT be happy!). 

Anyway I can confirm to all of you Insiders that my boss didn’t call me when I was on the toilet, I was actually in bed sleeping. I mean I had just managed to drift off into a deep sleep and he called me! Typical! – How inconsiderate of him? I actually didn’t wake up quick enough to catch the phone call. I had to call back on the number and talk to him. I actually told him off for waking me up! He apologised a lot and told me to go back to sleep and rest. – Bless him. 

I’m feeling a lot better after, 4 hours on the toilet, 3 naps and a long old soak in the bath. – Very much ready for a LONG and BUSY work tomorrow! 

Early night for me Insiders!

Much Love, 

The Insider x 

Christmas Time

Here it is again! Christmas. The most family orientated  time of the year. – I LOVE IT. Christmas is the best time of the year for me. I get to see all of my family all in one got.

My mum and dad do an amazing job every year. They have to cook for 14 people! Our whole family comes over to ours as we have the biggest space for everyone. My Nan, granddad, cousins, aunts, uncles, partners everyone! It’s the most amazing time ever.

My cousin, she’s like my sister. She’s the most amazing person I’ve ever me and I look up to her. I don’t get to see her often as she lives with her husband around 45 minutes away and is always working and socializing. So when Christmas comes its amazing, its like we have a whole year to catch up on.

My aunt, I used to spend a lot of time with her. My mum was a full-time mum and my aunt used to help out and have me stay over in the week. Really fond memories. We would have an amazing dinner, bath, books, TV and then for supper my aunt made me bacon sandwiches with the crusts cut off. We would curl up on the sofa together in our pj’s watching TV. She would make me warm milk and read a story for me before I went to bed. In the mornings, she would make me beans in a bowl with buttered bread (with the crusts cut off). This always makes me smile and whenever I can’t see my boyfriend makes me warm milk to help me drift off.

My uncle would then take me to school. His job entailed him being a postman. he used to have a HUGE red van. I throughly believed that he was postman pat. I remember he even had a toy black and white cat hidden in the back of the van so I would continue to believe he was postman pat. He would always be asking me to look out for the cat in back.

My Nan always used to spoil me with chocolate. My memory of my Nan would always be giving me chocolate. Malteasers was her favourite chocolate to give me. My granddad, he Is a very funny man. Very small, grey haired man. He is a brilliant man who always makes me laugh, before he would leave my house, he would reach into his wallet and give me a £10 or £20 note and tell me to treat myself with the pocket-money.

All these memories come back to me at Christmas. It makes me look forward to seeing all of these people who have  impacted my life. I don’t see these family members as much anymore, times change and people’s lives change. So when Christmas comes along I look forward to having all of them under one roof and to have the huge catch ups that are very much-needed. Not to mention the drinking that comes along with Christmas. – My family REALLY knows how to drink that’s for sure.

Its definitely a hectic day! Christmas Eve, Christmas morning im round my boyfriend’s house with his family. – His dad makes the best turkey bacon ever! That’s what the house wakes up too on Christmas morning! We all stuff our faces with turkey bacon for breakfast! – I LOVE IT! The late morning, I will get ready and head over to my house. See my mum and dad, give Christmas presents. Then my whole family starts to descend on the house. we all have laughs, drinks, presents, then the food. It’s a huge banquet that my mum and dad have prepared all morning. The turkey, vegetables, Yorkshire’s, gravy, champagne! Everyone has a food baby or a food coma afterwards. Around 7ish my boyfriend will come over and start play cards with the men and me, mum, my aunt and cousin will be in the lounge chatting away (gossiping).

Christmas is a time, for us all to grab the ones closest to us and tell them how much we love them. It’s a time in which we all need to appreciate what we have and who we have in our lives. Some people will still be in our lives, others wont be. However hard it may be, Christmas is for joy and to celebrate.

I HOPE ALL YOU INSIDERS HAVE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Much Love,

The Insider x

What Would I Do If I Won The Lottery

If I won the lottery, I think I would be the happiest person in the world.

I would definitely go part time. I don’t think that I could stop working altogether – My brain would go to mush and Insiders I can’t have that happen, can I? So part time, still gets a small income and I’ll still have the time to spend my money and have fun! I wouldn’t tell anyone though. People would just pretend to be your friends to get what they want. – Definitely a downside!

I would buy a house, you know something modest, nothing too big. Maybe 4 bedrooms. A big garden, lovely marble floors and table tops in a big kitchen, breathtaking glass chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. High ceilings, windows reaching the ceiling to the floor – To let the light in. Big super king beds in all the rooms, amazing sauna/waterfall showers attached to the master bedroom. – Gosh. I would like to live in something like that.

I would buy 2 French bulldogs! Omg, Insiders my love for them is unconditional. I love them. I mean LOOOVE them! To make my boyfriend happy I think I would also have to get a Golden Retriever. The dogs that I would have, would be the most pampered dogs in the universe! All the pretty outfits, constant grooming, millions of walks, chew toys, treats, everything!

I would be jetting off here, there and everywhere. I would travel as much as I could. New York, Hong Kong, Australia, Maldives, Prague. Places where you can’t usually go as it’s so expensive! – Might as well treat myself and friends and family!

All joking aside, I would absolutely pay off my parents mortgage, I would pay my boyfriends parents mortgage, I would send them on a months holiday to relax and do whatever they wanted. Anything. I would do anything for them with my winnings.

I think winning the lottery has many things that we all want and many things that we need but at the end of the day Insiders, I think it’s SO important to give back to others. I would give as much as I could to as many different charities.

What would you do?!

Much Love,

The Insider x