What Is Perfection?

You know I think that too many people worry about how they look. To me I think that we should all just be happy with the way we look. I however know all too well that the way that we look means a great deal.

In today’s generation, it is all about how we look to others. Every girl wanting the slimmer body, the perfect hair, big bum. Whilst boys are wanting the bigger shoulders, toned legs. I understand why this happens. Magazines, TV, social media anything that has any influence in people’s lives today show that everyone wants and strives for the perfect body.

I want to challenge this. How can we define the words perfect body? surely that’s down to the individuals? For example, I know that my boyfriend loves that I have a little chub, it’s what makes me sexy he says. having curves in all the right places. I don’t deem this as being sexy. I deem having a tiny waist, big bum, long hair, toned body all around.

BODY CONFIDENCE – I can honestly say that I don’t know anyone that has confidence in their body. everyone has something that they don’t like about themselves and its a load of cr**! – I myself have a huge issue with the way I look however I know that there are parts of my image that people like, whether I like them or not.

I’m sure you’ve all heard of Tess Holiday. Shes actually such a beautiful lady and honestly speaks so much truth. For me she’s a great role model and promotes body confidence. I don’t care that she’s bigger than others, I care about whats she’s trying to accomplish and inspire others to be able to do. By loving herself she is enabling and helping people love themselves too. I follow her on Instagram, and I must say she is fabulous! – She has the most amazing hair! She has so many lovers (I call them lovers, they are people who love her and think she’s amazing) but also in the lime light also brings its haters (evil people!). The way she shoots the haters down is amazing, its like whatever they ay rolls off her back. I wish I could do that! – Anyway needless to say, I think she’s FABULOUS. Read More

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The Talk

I’m sitting in my car at this very moment in time. I’m working up the mental ability to get myself out of the car and into work.

I know all of us lack the motivation to go to work. I know for me, it’s not necessarily that I don’t want to go it’s more the fact I have this huge butterfly/nervousness/emptiness feeling in the bottom of my stomach.

Fear. Yes that’s what I’m going to call it. Fear. Sounds a little weird and silly doesn’t it? I’ve been in this job for over 2 years now (pretty much known as a veteran) yet I feel fear? – So many thoughts go round in my head, so many questions.

– What am I going to do wrong today?

– What is going to happen today?

– Will I get in trouble today?

– Am I going to be late?

These are all very silly questions, yet this is my daily routine. I promise all of you Insiders, this is what I feel on a daily basis. – Horrible or what?

Right. It’s time to have a talk with myself. Time to reassure myself. I CAN do this. Don’t be anxious. Your an hour and a half early! I know I’m GOOD at my job. People DO like me. You look BEAUTIFUL. Take a deep breath – YOU GOT THIS!

I’ll see you Insiders later!

Much Love,

The Insider x

EDUCATE, EDUCATE, EDUCATE!

Insiders, I know I’ve spoken about depression quiet a bit, however I think it’s something that people need more awareness and more education on. I know I write a lot of positives about depression and always say that it really doesn’t define who I am or anyone else that suffers from it. It is an illness. I strongly believe that we all need to be more educated about it.

I know, I know, how can I be saying all of this when I’ve just posted a blog saying that I’ve started meditating and this is very therapeutic – However, it doesn’t stop the bad days.

Like yesterday. Yesterday was a bad day. It basically ended with me and my boyfriend going to bed like normal at around 11pm, then all of a sudden BANG I’ll burst into tears. Due to events that’s occurred in the day completely poured out of me. Let me break down my day for you:

I’ve started a new job, literally only about a week into it. It’s been a job that I’ve wanted for a while. I’ve been working so hard for this opportunity. However, a new job comes new challenges and more stress. I have a HUGE fear of failure. Sure when I’m in a good day I can say, failure is a part of life and that’s how we learn but as I’ve said yesterday was not a good day at all (very far from it in fact). – The little voices of doubt come back into my mind. ‘You’re gonna fail, you’re gonna fail’ ‘You’re gonna fail, you’re gonna fail.’ I tried to push these thoughts to the back of my mind. I tried to forget about it, but no matter what I do it was always there.

When these thoughts come into my mind I can look back on how I then reacted to situation. On the back of these thoughts start to wonder and drift away from what I’m doing and it starts to snowball out of control. When this happens it’s as if my whole perception or personality changes. I know, I know, that sounds ridiculous! But when I look back, it’s though I’ve said or acted in a way that’s out of character.

Then everything, swirls around and around, inside my head and I can’t seem to stop the verbal self-abuse. With the snowball effect I then start to feel, worthless, like I’m a constant screw up, a disappointment, like I shouldn’t be here (I’m going to stress, I’m NOT suicidal!!) nor have I ever self harmed. Insiders, imagine feeling that you hate yourself. Imagine feeling/saying that in your head that 10 maybe 15 times a day. It’s tiring and not only that you start to believe it. – I am my own worst enemy.

Not to mention when people at work are all talking in hushed tones, I’ll automatically think that it’s about me. I know it’s not however on my bad days, I’ll think I’ve done something wrong.  I will replay the scenario in my head but it’s not necessarily the true version. It’ll be my own version. My version is one of which that has me at the center of a negative situation – Doing something wrong. This then sets my mind racing with negative possibilities.

All of these negative emotions swirling around on a day-to-day basis  isn’t nice. Especially when I keep it bottled up until my brain overloads and I break down in tears when I’m at home.  – I thank the lord for my boyfriend, such an amazing human being, such amazing support.

I’m not going to lie to you Insiders, when I first got told about depression, I didn’t know much about it myself, I thought that my antidepressants would fix it all. I mean a week to 2 weeks after I started taking them, I felt a wave of relief and thought I was cured. – If only it was that simple.

I really don’t want it to seem all doom and gloom Insiders but I really want to raise awareness for what it’s like in a day of someone with anxiety and depression. – What may be a small issue or task to you is massive to me and others with depression and anxiety.

Just be mindful Insiders, you never know who’s struggling. – Let’s all spread awareness.

Much Love,

The Insider x

Meditation

Insiders, I know its been a couple of days since I’ve posted and you’re going to laugh but I’ve started to look into meditation. Going through anxiety and depression has really taken a toll on my self-confidence and self-esteem. So to stop negative thinking and start thinking positively I’ve started to meditate.

Honestly, I used to be one of those people who thought you have to sit down in a silent room with your legs crossed and hum ‘omm, omm, omm’ but I can tell you now that, that’s far from the truth! All you have to do is sit down, with a straight back (so your posture is relaxed), your arms in an ‘L’ shape, relaxed against your knees. Your eyes gently resting shut, breathing in and out of your nose. Just calming yourself down. – You can even lay down, whatever is comfy for you!

At first it feels like my mind is crazy, rushing and swirling around with thoughts, usually negative thoughts about myself. You know the ones, the ones that say ‘Im not good enough’ You can’t do anything right’ – Those feel like they are going to take over. However 2-4 minutes into slow breathing and just focusing on deep long breaths manages to evaporate those feelings. I really can’t explain it. All these negative feelings gone. I actually feel relaxed, like all of my worries are gone. I feel refreshed. – Its CRAZY!

I’ve come to realise that im a very negative thinker. The truth is that, it’s a habit. For me, its the biggest habit that I need to kick. Everyone is a negative thinker whether its thoughts of anger, fear, helplessness, self-doubt – Everyone has at some point experienced these negative feelings. For me, I would say I spend 40% of my day telling myself these things. (Sad I know). However, by meditating and taking time out for myself to just be quiet and calm my mind, I can see massive improvements.

Not only have I started meditating I have started to repeat positive phrases to myself at least 10 times a day. Ok, ok, yes this is similar to talking to myself – but its a mental talk. I tell myself ‘I am powerful and loving and have nothing to fear’ or ‘Believe in yourself’ or ‘You CAN do this, you ARE good enough.’ By saying these things makes me smile and helps me to realise that these negative thoughts are lies. The positive thoughts are true.

Surround yourself with the positive thoughts, either by putting them on my desk at work, or on my phone or mirror, helps to show how powerful and loving I am.

When your positive you attract positive people into your life – By doing that you’ll be unstoppable.

Much Love,

The Insider x

New Job!

Dear Insider,

Ive recently applied for a new job role within a company that I’ve never worked for before. My only experience is working within a warehouse. I really was this job as its more money and I won’t have to be working on my feet for long hours of the day. I don’t know how to calm my nerves.

Any advice for keeping calm?

Thank you,

Cane.


 

Hey Cane!

Oh, don’t you worry, you’re not the only one that feels this way when applying for a new job. – It can be daunting. I myself have just applied for a new job (within he same company). I’m one of those people that once I have submitted the application I started to panic. It whirls around in my head, thinking is there anything else I could have put, what if they don’t like it – Blah Blah Blah. 

These feelings are all normal. What you need to remember that once you’ve submitted the application you can’t do anything else. Its now out of your hands. You just need to believe in yourself and breath. I know, I know, this is much easier said than done. However, taking deep slow breaths  can help to relax your mind and think more clearly. 

The reason why we worry about things like this is because of our fear of failure. This can be a huge obstacle for many of us. However its how you cope with failure once its upon you (IM NOT SAYING YOU WILL FAIL), but we must be resilient with any set backs we might face. – For me, I the applied for this job 3 times already but I bounce back every time and try again. Just remember take deep slow breaths, and remember you are good enough for the jobs role. However at this point there is nothing more you can do. 

Try doing things to take your mind of it. Go out with friends, do some house work, read a book, anything that will stimulate your brain to focus on something else. When your busy you can’t think about all the ‘What Ifs’ … 

– Cane, you’ll be absolutely fine. Breath, Smile & Relax. 

Much Love, 

The Insider x 

Think POSITIVE, It’s Time To CHANGE

I’ve been dealing with how I feel about my image for many years now. I know, I know everyone worries about their weight and the way they look to other people. However the way that I feel about myself feels as though it’s on another level. – Which I’m sure most people feel the same. What sets us all apart is how we each deal with the emotions that whirl around in our head. The feelings of helplessness, fear, hatred and disgust – are all words that my inner voices use about myself.

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