The Talk

I’m sitting in my car at this very moment in time. I’m working up the mental ability to get myself out of the car and into work.

I know all of us lack the motivation to go to work. I know for me, it’s not necessarily that I don’t want to go it’s more the fact I have this huge butterfly/nervousness/emptiness feeling in the bottom of my stomach.

Fear. Yes that’s what I’m going to call it. Fear. Sounds a little weird and silly doesn’t it? I’ve been in this job for over 2 years now (pretty much known as a veteran) yet I feel fear? – So many thoughts go round in my head, so many questions.

– What am I going to do wrong today?

– What is going to happen today?

– Will I get in trouble today?

– Am I going to be late?

These are all very silly questions, yet this is my daily routine. I promise all of you Insiders, this is what I feel on a daily basis. – Horrible or what?

Right. It’s time to have a talk with myself. Time to reassure myself. I CAN do this. Don’t be anxious. Your an hour and a half early! I know I’m GOOD at my job. People DO like me. You look BEAUTIFUL. Take a deep breath – YOU GOT THIS!

I’ll see you Insiders later!

Much Love,

The Insider x

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Think POSITIVE, It’s Time To CHANGE

I’ve been dealing with how I feel about my image for many years now. I know, I know everyone worries about their weight and the way they look to other people. However the way that I feel about myself feels as though it’s on another level. – Which I’m sure most people feel the same. What sets us all apart is how we each deal with the emotions that whirl around in our head. The feelings of helplessness, fear, hatred and disgust – are all words that my inner voices use about myself.

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Keyboard Warriors 

You can tell a lot about the age of someone by the way that they text. Like the younger generation are able to text with just there thumbs and without looking at the keyboard. Whilst my parents generation will hold the phone like 15cm away from their face and type with their index finger. – Hilarious! It’s hilarious when you see someone writing a text with their index finger! It’s just not natural at all! I mean come on, surely a thumb is easier to type with?

I hate auto text! This can be such a vital sign to see how old someone is. Like when your phone automatically corrects things and people write back saying ‘what does that mean’ – This clearly means that they’re the older generation! Like ‘ducking’ this is a common automatic iPhone correction – If you don’t know what this means, then sorry your too old to have an iphone! – Only joking!

In todays society you can’t live without a phone. Its iPhone this, Samsung that. Honestly its crazy! I can’t imagine being without a phone. I see loads of kids nowadays that are 8-10 years old and have the newest phones out. I think thats stupid! I was lucky if I was to get a nokia 360.- You know that big thick brick looking thing? With buttons for numbers, it gave tour thumbs an amazing work out! You had to click onr button to get the right letter! Those were the days… Now this was a phone that you could run over with a truck and it wouldn’t break. I promise, I have tried to break this kind of phone and I believe that it is indestructible!

My sister is 10 she has an iPhone 6 plus. I mean how does this phone even fit in her tiny hand?! What does a 10 year old need with a phone like that? – Ever heard of keeping up with the jones? I think this is what happens when kids go to school. They always need the bigger better gadgets. – Its sad I think… I used to go out and climb trees with my friends, I wasn’t glued to a phone, TV or computer. However, as I’ve grow up and moved into adulthood, I do seem to be glued to my phone more and more. 

As good as phones are in today’s world, they cause major problems. I mean I’m sure you’ve all heard of Jeremy Kyle. Like JK  is always saying that he hates Facebook as people are always ‘trashing’ each other on it. I believe that phones enable bullies to come alive. Making the world of phones and social media unbareable at times. Back in my day they were called keyboard warriors. They would completely rip you to shreds over the internet or text, however when met face to face with you wouldn’t say a thing. – People are always saying we have the best safety systems in the world to protect users against abuse. RUBBISH. The internet that we can all access on phones, is growing and making life for many unbareable. All the bullying and cyber crime. Scary! 

However there is perks to having phones, and the internet always available. Like when I want to prove my boyfriend wrong. All I have to do is bring google into the argument and I’ve won! Haha only joking but honestly the internet has helped millions of people connect and share stories around the world. Helping fundraise for charities, reuniting families that have lost contact. – There are the amazing powers that’s the internet has. Espically when you have a phone that enables you to have all of this at your fingertips! 

Anyway, my keyboard warriors – 

Much Love, 

The Insider x 

 

Books Are My Love 

I for one love books. You get taken away into a land of imagination. When you read you are unlimited to far your mind can go. – Your unleashed! 

A book will draw you in within minutes. Creating a wonderful magic world that you can get lost in. I truly believe that books can open your mind to so many new things. Things that your mind and eyes wouldn’t be able to dream of. 

It’s an amazing way of relaxing. Just sitting breathing slowly with a cup of tea and a book. It’s so much better than having your eyes glued to a screen – Don’t get me wrong, I love watching TV just as much as everyone else. However you aren’t using your imagination. You get shown and told how to visualise a character. You hear the characters name pronounced in a certain way – In a book, their can be a number of different ways you can say a name. Me and my boyfriend read the same books BUT we will have a heated (emphasis on the heated!) debate on how to say a characters name. Wow. Me and my boyfriend sound like an old married couple! 
I have read the Game If Thrones books and was super excited to see it become a TV series. However, I was SO disappointed with Jamie. In the books he is describe to be this gorgeous SEX GOD. I had a great image in my head of him. However when I saw him on the series my heart sank. He was just average. – Ok. I will admit, he is good looking but I had a different idea in my head. My bestie loves the look of Jamie. She hasn’t read the books, so she is going off the  interpretation of the producers of what Jamie should look like. 

In this day and age, I think that the younger generation won’t even want to read a book due to how good technology is. It’ll be a great shame if that’s the case. 

Encourage people to read. It’ll open there mind to the impossible. 

Much Love, 

The Insider x 

The Giddy Feeling 

Right. I’m going to start by saying, I’m in a very happy long term relationship. However, I still remember that bubbly feeling – still get it actually. When you see that one person you like.

Girls, you know what feeling I’m talking about – No. Nothing sexual! That warm giddy feeling you get when you see that guy that you like.

You know those types of girls that just seem to be so perfect, there hair always perfectly curled, there makeup perfectly airbrushed all the time. They seem to always catch the looks of the guys, whether or not they mean too. Like one of my friends, she’s completely flawless without even trying! It’s like all the guys mouths hit the floor and there eyes pop out there head! Me on the other hand, I was the goofy girl. The one that wasn’t necessarily gorgeous or ugly (no one is ugly by the way!) – I was just average. The one that always bumped into tables, tripped over and stuttered my words. Especially if I was around a guy I liked.

I was a super confident person. I know contradicting right? I only turned into a goofy moron when I was around someone I liked. I couldn’t get my words out at all. I’ll be tripping over my words, I’ll loose my train of thought – I just stand there like a wet lemon.  When you like someone, your eyes will automatically search the room to try and see it they are around – This happens subconsciously. Then as soon as you click eyes on them, your heart literally skips a beat. Then you will make up any excuse to go over and talk to them. Ok girls, you all know that nervously sick feeling you get when you walk over to a really hot guy? It’s horrid. Your mouth starts to go dry, your palms start to sweat – You probably think that people can see your sweat. (They can’t don’t worry). These feelings are absolutely normal! Don’t panic. Then you have to think of something to say to this guy. I always pray ‘god help me not look like an idiot’. However, I get all giggly and start looking like an idiot.

Thank the lord I have a boyfriend as I can definitely not flirt to save my life.

My way of flirting is insulting the guy. (Stupid). Anyway, once you’ve made your approach, as elegant as you can, you try to make conversation. Tones of topics running through your brain, any normal person will ask them how there weekend was, how works going anything! Me, oh no. I’m not that smooth. I come out with ‘long time no see!’ – I saw him like an hour ago. He had only gone for lunch. I mean I just wanted the floor to eat me up right then and there. However, it made him laugh (god my knees go weak when he laughs).

Anyway….

Satisfied with yourself you walk away all confident. This is when all the worrying starts. You’ll start to replay the conversation in your head, wondering how stupid you sounded. Wondering if you came across like a school girl, wondering if you looked desperate. I know we have all thought these things. You know what, as long as you managed to smile, nod and walk away without falling over, it was a success! – When you sit back down, you’ll constantly be looking over, wandering if he/she is looking at you. Wondering if they think about you. It’s enough to drive you crazy!

I think we should all just enjoy the bubbly feeling of crushing on someone… If your as lucky as me, you’ll get this feeling every time you look at your boyfriend/partner/husband/wife.

Much Love,

The Insider x

Payday!

I don’t know about you but I struggle every month to make it to payday. Honestly between you and me, I don’t know why! I have an amazing job and I get a fair amount of money every month. I don’t have bills to pay, I’m stilling living at home (rent free). – Lucky I know! I only have to pay for my car and my phone. I thank my lucky stars that I have the life I do. I just don’t know how I struggle each month! – Ill have around £20 by the last week in the month. Ok, that was a lie. I know exactly were my money goes. I spend all my money on food. Yes food. I waste all my money on food. At the time I will be happy eating my life away, then at the end of the month I realise that I’m literally wearing my money. (Through the pounds that I have put on in the month).

The first day of getting paid is always an amazing feeling! – I love it. It feels like the world is your oyster you can do anything. If you want that pair of shoes you buy those shoes, if you want that handbag you get that handbag. I buy loads of makeup, bags and things that  I don’t actually need. I think that everyone buys things that they don’t need when they get paid. Its like whatever is in my eye line I will buy. – Its like I’m a fabulous princess at the start of the month. Going out having such an amazing social life, doing whatever it is I want. Then throughout the month I start to fizzle out and start thinking and saying the I don’t have enough money, they I’m going to stay in. Blah, Blah, Blah. I turn from this amazing social princess into a toad. Its like the magic washes away, like cinderella at midnight.

Getting paid is a wonderful feeling, however I sometimes think that its sad. Sad that we are all confined by money. Always worrying when the next pay day is. Always worrying if we are able to get promoted to earn more money. Always thinking of new ways to get more money. In todays society, everything revolves around money. Ill hold my hands up, I’m always worrying about money. I’m always wanting the bigger better things in life. However when I take a step back I start to think deeper and realise that money isn’t everything. Yes I understand that we need it. Actually, you know what I think money is more of a want. We want money. I don’t think that we necessarily need it. – I mean, I know we need it for food. However, I know that I could be very happy without it. (I love my handbags, makeup, shoes everything, but I don’t need them to be happy). At the end of the day, I don’t think that any of us need money to be happy. – It helps don’t get me wrong, but there is better more pressing things in life to think about.

Need and want, are very different things.

Much Love,

The Insider x